On Leaving

In which I try to find a noble justification for leaving Facebook...

Several years ago, I almost did it. Left Facebook entirely. I don’t remember what my rationale was at the time, maybe something tied to their evilness as a corporation? Maybe got the idea from some friends who were tired of their parents posting pictures of their kids without their permission? I didn’t go so far as to make an announcement to the world or anything, though I did consider it pretty seriously.

This time, though, I really do plan to leave. For lots of little reasons. The political rhetoric has gotten too much (though I have unfriended many folks who rant about it constantly, no matter what side they’re on) and there’s so. many. ads. and I felt like it’s just serving me anymore.

People I see often, I don’t need Facebook to tell me what’s going in their lives. Maybe I won’t learn about a dinner they did with friends or a random purchase they only shared there, but, eh, was that necessary information to begin with? Probably not. People I see rarely, I’d miss things, too, but that’s what we-haven’t-hung-out-in-forever sessions are for, to reconnect about the big and small things happening in our lives. If it’s mentioned over a two hour dinner, then I’ll find out; if it’s not, again, it’s not important, just extra information. If you’re a random person I went to high school with or that I know because you’re friends with my friend, I really don’t need to be following you. Keeping up with you on Facebook was probably just some weird sort of gossip and tea spilling that you permitted because, well, we all probably share a little too much on there because it’s “private.”

When I’ve tried to leave in the past, my justification often went back to the groups I’m in. There’s the group for the Girl Scouts Service Unit where people ask for help or ideas. Groups of folks into my same hobbies. My very, very beloved Buy Nothing group which I’ve used to declutter and reclutter my house and met some lifelong friends (hi Carol Anne, Chris, Loan!). Thing is, though, I don’t truly need all that. I’m not obligated to help someone who asks for it related to Girl Scouts - we’ve got monthly leaders meetings for that and there’s 40-something other troops worth of adults who can help. Hobby groups are great but it’s not like Discord or other ad-free platforms don’t host such gatherings. For Buy Nothing, I can do what I did before - sell, donate, or toss things I don’t need. If I really wanted to, I could save it all up and kindly ask a friend still in the group if I can share a parking spot with them at Junk in the Trunk, the big everything is free yard sale the group has once or twice a year.

I want to take this as an opportunity to change how I connect with people, more than anything. It’s not as if I post there very much and don’t even comment that often, just leaving a like or that weird comfort emoji after reading. I want more text chains with friends. I want more letters sent back and forth. I want more taking the time to hang out. More connection, less broadcasting.

I posted the following yesterday morning: “I’m going to be moving off Facebook entirely by the end of the year. If you want to keep touch, email me or text. Message if you need either.” Eight likes, two “understood” type comments.

I feel a bit of peace has been gained already by this. We’ll see how long it lasts.